I didn’t keep my promise of blogging more did I? With 2020 being, well 2020, it felt like there was nothing relevant to say. There has been (and still is) so much information overload and just getting through the days was enough for me. I also didn’t want to be another voice thrown in the mix and like so many of us, just wanted to focus on brighter times to come.
Safe to say I was not one of those who was inspired during lockdown/ shielding. I did not learn a new language or Ebay all my crap I have been threatening to. Nope I just dealt with the days as they came and did the best I could to stay positive and did a fair bit of internet shopping (understatement of the year!).
This weekend marked a year since I started shielding. I went in ahead of time as could see what was coming. What I didn’t anticipate (did any of us?), was that I would be there a year later with only a small break as a reprieve. We did manage a few days away in September as a break. All done self-catering on the coast taking all our food and supplies with us to keep as safe as possible. It felt good to see some new sights and be somewhere different. But it was decidedly short lived and as soon as we were home we went into the tier hokey- cokey/ lockdown and haven’t really been out again.
September 2020 brought a new diagnosis for me along with some new medication. Following almost 10 months of tests, heart investigations, and repeat bloods I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I hoped all the months of shielding and not being able to do too much would give my body a rest from feeling exhausted, excessive pain, struggling to concentrate, brain like fudge and needing excessive rest, but it was not to be. After many discussions with medical professionals, it would seem CFS as it is commonly known (also referred to as M.e) was diagnosed.
Not great news but a relief to know all of what I was feeling has a name. In combination with my TBM and Fibromyalgia I’ve struggled to find good days health wise. It’s felt like each day one of them pops their head up to say hello. I don’t write this to get sympathy but purely out of honesty. I’ve spent a lot of time sleeping and resting as even the smallest of activities can exhaust me for days. I’m learning what I can and can’t do and I’m getting some help in terms of medication and support from other areas which I’m told can help. I just need to be patient and pace myself. Something I’m still trying very hard to manage. There is no easy answer or cure, just management and acceptance of what I am and not capable of. Something I am very adept at. Doesn’t make it any less of a struggle though.
There is however light at the end of the tunnel with dropping of Covid cases and vaccinations roll out. I am due my second dose in a few weeks and have hope come May time that I can try to claw some of my life back and build some normality again. It feels strange and scary the thought of going back into the world but I know I am not alone and many will be feeling the same way. Hopefully the more I am able to do the more assured I will feel.
It is nice finally to have hope, to look forward to better days to come and a return to the things, the people and glorious mundane reality of life that many of us all have missed so much.
Just a short one from me this time, as well as the tiredness, the CFS seems to have zapped my brain of any kind of creativity so I’m just thankful I was able to hop back on and write something.
Until next time. A x
Life, lungs and a whole lot in between 